For me personally, it took a pretty long time to feel like my life had any meaning. I guess that’s how any young child coming from a broken home should feel, right? Maybe not, but that’s definitely the kind of affect it had on me. I mean, if my parents struggled to stay together, and my Mom barely put any effort to show me that she loves me, why should I have believed that my life was worth anything? I didn’t know God, we didn’t go to church, so for me, there truly wasn’t a “meaning” to life. It was just something that was there, something that was there along with all of the pain and confusion.
As a child, I can remember a lot of lonely nights. They were nights where I’d stay up in my bed, thinking about the life I now live, but back then, it was a life that was nonexistent to me. I didn’t know that one could wake up every day with so much peace in their spirit, knowing that they were made with a purpose, a purpose that would build something so much bigger than themselves. I’ve often wondered how a young child is supposed to know they are worth something if most of the people they’re around can’t even answer that for themselves. Growing up, it seemed like everyone I was around was just living life to “live life”, there was no purpose behind it, and with that little purpose came very little joy. So not only was I torn because of my parents divorce, I was slowly losing any hope of actually believing that my life meant something.
I’ve lived long enough to understand that there are pivotal points in our life that will either make us or break us. They’re the kind of moments that’ll determine how we enter the next season of life based off of how we respond to them. For me, accepting Jesus into my heart was not only one of them, but also the most important one. I wish I could say that when I accepted Jesus into my heart it was all up hill from there, but I can’t. My walk with Christ has been a journey. I’ve had my ups. I’ve had my downs. But through it all, I’ve finally reached a place in life that I once thought was non-existent. It’s a place of meaning, a place of purpose, a place of destiny, inevitably leading to a place of fulfillment. Looking back, I honestly think I struggled with the whole concept of grace and what really took place on the cross. I mean, how could it be so free? All I have to do is confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe He died on the cross for my sins and then stay close to Jesus and do what the Bible says, and that’s it? I’ll be forgiven? Just like that? I think I had a hard time believing that this was really the process of salvation, and because of that, I had my doubts and tried so hard to be a perfect Christian. I quickly learned there’s no such thing. I served God with a legalistic heart and was more concerned about pleasing my Pastors than I was my God. It was a season of life where from the outside, it looked like my life had meaning, but from the inside, there was nothing. It was empty. It was shallow. It was fake. It took a season of brokenness and repentance for me to truly understand what the cross and the blood of Jesus meant to me as an individual. It wasn’t always easy, and I cried many tears, but now it makes sense. I get it. I know why I was created. The day before my twenty-first birthday, I had a conversation with my Dad that honestly changed my life. The following is what I wrote in my journal about the conversation we had:
The last few days have been very emotional for me. I ran into so many old friends in one day that it was almost a bit too much to take in. Boy do I have so much to be thankful for! Today, June 2nd, celebrates 21 years of life for me. Last night while I was helping my Dad wash the dishes, I asked him what he remembered about the day I was born. He went on to explain every little detail; My Mom was in a very bad mood, he had his friend sneak in food because he couldn’t stand the food the hospital served, my eyes were open as I came out of my Mother’s womb, I was very red, he let the doctor cut the umbilical cord because he was scared he would hurt me, the Doctors placed a little blue beanie on my head, and then before they knew it, my Mom and Dad were taking their first born home. Then he went on to explain how he chose my name. He said that he had read through the story of Joseph in the Bible and that he really liked how Joseph handled himself in every situation. He said that he wanted a son that would be strong enough to maintain a godly character even though people would treat him badly and things wouldn’t always go his way. I find it ironic that he said that, but the last twenty-one years of my life have been everything but perfect! Maybe my Dad was being prophetic and he didn’t even realize it. It was one of the nicest talks we’ve had in a while. I woke up this morning, got ready for the day, and then headed over to my house. I grabbed my brother’s guitar and walked to the bench that sits on the top of the hills right above my house. I wanted to spend some time with the Lord. I played a few worship songs, thanked the Lord for the last twenty years of my life, and then I read through the story of Joseph. It was so refreshing! As I read through the story, I tried to read it through the eyes of my Dad, doing my best to understand why he would name me after this man. I’ve lived a hard life. A lot of people have hurt me and things haven’t always gone the way I hoped they would. Despite all of that, I’ve learned to forgive and I’ve learned how to love. I have so much to be thankful for. I have everything a young man could ask for and I couldn’t be happier. This is only the beginning and I’m so excited for the years to come.
Genesis 50:19-20 – – But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
I get it now. It all makes sense. Everything I went through and everyone that was there. It was all part of God’s ultimate plan for my life: to use my life and my life’s circumstances to bring people closer to Jesus, and it’s’ through this that I find my purpose in life. Building the church is where I find my life’s meaning. Investing in people’s lives is where I find my life’s meaning. It’s waking up everyday with the desire to lead at least one person closer to the Lord, weather through an encouraging word, or a smile, or whatever it may be, it’s where I find my purpose and meaning in life. Christianity is so much more to me now than it used to be, and I am thankful for that. It’s just about Jesus. It’s about staying connected to the True Vine so my life will produce much fruit, and as long as I’m connected to the Vine, I’ll always know at the bottom of my heart that this is where my true meaning and value in life can be found: right at the heart of Jesus. I’m thankful for the power of the cross.
Felicie is discussing. 
Carol Santos is discussing. 
What is the amount of money that you still need to pay the ticket?
Scotty 3:01 pm on October 1, 2009 Permalink |
Funny, those three are one of the reasons I love my life.